Bittersweet
by Moderndaydrifter
Summary: Coach Taylor’s thoughts on his rookie season as Dillon Panther Head Football Coach.


_**A/N: **Here's a one shot told in Coach Taylor's point of view on the past season he endured!_

_**Spoilers: **Includes spoilers throughout all of season one, up to and including state._

_**Rating: **PG-13_

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own any characters, they are just borrowed for entertainment and then returned!_

_**Summary: **Coach Taylor's thoughts on his rookie season as Dillon Panther Head Football Coach. _

_**Bittersweet**_

Football season. Such a small phrase that carries such a full meaning. A phrase that cannot be taken lightly in the small town of Dillon, Texas. Football is so much more than a sport, it is more than a past time, hell, it is probably the only life that most of the older generations know. I knew about all of the stipulations and territory of being a head coach here before I even took the job, and believe me it has been much more than just a job to go to everyday.

Of course, I'd be lying if I said I regretted it or even hated the past couple of months. It made me such a stronger person as a coach as well as a husband and father. The tests that God put in front of me were enough to make any man quit and run away from it all, but I stood strong, proving to myself and others that I could take it. No matter how hard the fall was I showed I could pick myself back up and keep trucking, as though I was asking for more barricades to leap over.

I'm glad my first year as the rookie head coach is over. I know there's a lot of talk about me going to TMU, but honestly I think I'm going to tough it out here in Dillon for other reasons, the main one being that my wife is pregnant and I want to be around and be a father to the baby. Another thing is Dillon has grown on me, but that's a story for another time.

My first suspicion that things weren't going to be easy was when an old man told me, "With expectations like this, the only place to go is down." Man oh man was he right. I told him to relax, that it was only football but that is a true understatement. Only football? That's a laugh. The way people act around here you'd swear that they were gambling away precious body parts.

My first game as head coach was one that I will never forget as long as I live. A young man that I had coached since peewee went down. I taught that kid everything there is to know about throwing a pigskin, too bad not enough to know how to tackle. When I saw Jason Street hit the turf after trying to stop a man that had intercepted his pass, I knew his football career was pretty much over. The angle of impact, the way his body landed, and the way he reacted after it was all said and done.

I wanted to puke right there in front of everyone at the stadium. As I said, I knew that kid since he was biting ankles and there he was, sprawled out, helpless, and all I could do was stand there and watch the trainers do their job. A coach really feels as if it's their sense of responsibility when one of their players goes down, and man I felt it strong, I still feel it now and probably will for the rest of my years.

To change subjects, I know after our first loss of the season they were actually talking about firing me…after one damn loss.

People were as different as night and day, and the change was that quick as well. Before the game they were my best friends. They'd corner me in the grocery store and talk about anything and everything, usually just football though. They'd tell me how much they appreciated how much good I've done and me being here for the community and bringing this team together again. Then that Friday night came when we dropped the ball game.

It was almost as if someone had changed the channel on the TV. I couldn't go anywhere without someone saying something snide about the job and how I choked. They even did it to my daughter Julie, talking down to her rather then coming directly to me about it. That really lit a fire under me more so than anything else, it's not like it was Julie's responsibility or fault why things were going down the way they were.

They doubted us ever since Jason got hurt, pretty much ruling us out of the playoffs, much less a state championship. I think that kind of talk made me as well as the boys fight harder. The negative talk was like gasoline in our tank, making us push through all of the hype and shutting them up Friday after Friday.

Matt Saracen showing interest in my daughter was tough too, but just a fact of life that I have to deal with. I had to realize that my daughter is 15 years old, and it was time for her to start dating and showing more of an interest in boys. I do have to admit that I miss those days of her saying she hated boys and that they had "cooties" but I guess it's a good thing she grew out of that. If not there would be something else for Tami and I to worry about.

Matt is a good kid, and I know Julie has good judgement so for now it's probably one of the least worries on my mind, I just know when it was new I was not that accepting to it, but who says you can't change a man's ways?

I think I took the lawsuit the hardest out of all the mountains I had to climb this season. It just hit me blindside one evening when Tami and I arrived home after a night out of eating. The man issuing it struck me as odd, handing me a manila folder with extremely bad news inside, yet he acted like life was great and I shouldn't be upset.

_"Coach Taylor, you've been issued."_

I remember that feeling when he said what it was all about. My stomach sunk down, my throat became dry. All I wanted to do was ask WHY? Why this? I sympathize with the Street family and know their reasoning. Their son was disabled, probably would never be able to score a decent job the rest of his life, but sue _me?_ I'm a high school football coach for crying out loud; I'm barely sitting above the poverty line.

In between the lawsuit and the backstabbing going on in town, the job offers I had been receiving from other schools and colleges took it's toll on me as well. Believe it or not, it really made me over analyze things around here in Dillon. My lifelong dream is to be the head coach of a division I university but when you develop the bond I have with my boys it really makes you look at things from other perspectives.

For instance, we basically had to start from scratch this season. Jason Street went down the first game, Smash had his personal problems and young Matt Saracen unexpectedly had to take this team and push them to where they are. We all became close and when there could be a chance of leaving these kids after one season it really tugs at your heartstrings.

I've sat up many nights, pondering what decision I should make. I even wrote out a pros and cons list hoping that would somehow help but it of course did not. I honestly liked Dillon. But there was that boyhood dream of mine, creeping up and telling me to take the offer and run. I felt so selfish when I came home and informed my family of my decision. Tami obviously didn't want to leave the kids she counseled and poor Julie had been moving her whole life and finally found a place she felt like she fit in. I could safely say I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, it really made me feel so rotten, yet again I felt like it was my time to do what I wanted to do.

In a few months the lawsuit crept back up. I remember the morning we were to meet with the Street family I was a mess. I couldn't even eat breakfast, much less think of food. I hated court, I hated lawyers, and I hated when people would stare at me as if it was my fault he was sitting in that chair, unable to do what a young man should be doing.

The good thing about it was, Jason had a plan that none of us knew about, a damn good plan might I add. I could read his body language when we were all sitting around the long table. The look in his eyes told me that things were cool, he had it taken care of.

With the lawsuit taken care of that was one less thing on my list to stop stressing about, but a man's stress never ends, whether he is a janitor or the president, it's always present. One more loss and our team could say goodbye to state.

Thankfully, state came but there was still that burden of me taking the job with TMU riding over my shoulders. I had found out that Julie let the news out to Matt, just what I needed was my quarterback having a hunch and worry on his mind going in to the biggest game of the season. I was so furious at Julie but I came to realize Matt was pretty much her best friend and sometimes you had to vent whether it was a good thing or bad.

Before I knew it, everyone knew about the job offer. Here came the snide comments again. I was the man of the hour, bringing these kids to state, then it drastically changed within seconds when the reporter blindsided me with questions in front of my team. I hate the press, and that added so much more to the hatred I felt. This season was a tough one and the last thing they needed was more bad news. I just wished I could share the feeling I had of pursuing your dream and getting to a higher level. Young people never seemed to understand it, I never did until I made a career choice. If there was room to move up, you took it, end of story.

The news of my wife's pregnancy was extremely random as well. That night out on the balcony of our hotel, overlooking Dallas will never be forgotten. After our get together I just wanted to get in bed and sleep, but my wife surprising me with the news energized me. A new baby. That's something you'd expect out of a young couple, but not us, being in our 40's you don't hear about it too often.

_"We're going to have a baby."_

When those words fell out of her mouth I had never felt so much in love as I did at that moment. I felt that feeling when I found out about Julie too but it had been 15 years since my emotions came out like that. I loved Tami, she looked so thrilled to be pregnant again despite the circumstances. Another adventure to add to my list. At least this was one I could look forward to.

I'm thankful state is over. We came out with a win, barely, but it wouldn't be a normal season ender if we didn't squeak by. Most of our important games were like that, us pulling out with a victory by one or two touchdowns. That proud feeling was awesome, we had done it, top team in Texas High School Football. What an honor, something we definitely deserved.

Now came another huge decision, one that I have mentioned several times. To go to Austin for TMU or not. Now I had a lot more going on at home, a new baby coming. If I decided taking the job at TMU a few things would happen. I'd only be home a few weekends a month and I'd be gone several weeks at a time. With a new baby around that would be even more tough than not. I want to be a father to that baby, a presence in its life, not a man that came and went ever so often.

I didn't want to miss its first steps, it's first word, it's first smile. I don't want to miss Tami being pregnant. There's something so special about a pregnant woman, especially Tami.

At the moment staying in Dillon is the best option for me. I've still got some time to contemplate the decision. My family is number one, my career will always come second.

I just know one thing, if my second football season with Dillon goes like my first, I might have to just take over 2nd grade PE class. Then again, there's never a dull moment in the Taylor household, and honestly I don't think we'd have it any other way.

_The End_


End file.
